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Autor:  Rafael
E-mail:  world_learner@terra.com.br
Data:  06/ABR/2006 6:16 AM
Assunto:  Esopo`s fable: O rapaz e a moça inconstante
 
Mensagem: 

Hi, Dale !

 

See in red ...

 

(...)

 

 The young man and the deceitful young woman  (1)
 One day a deceitful young woman said to young man:  (2)
 - My dear, many men adore me, many want me, but I only love you and I pray that you will have a day.  (3)  I am not concerned with wealth, in this world I only want you.  (4)
And the young man answered, although he knew that she was deceitful. 
- Both of us want the same thing.  My heart cries out for you. It is true that you have already deceived me once, but I adore you and I always will.(5)
And so it was that the naive young man was fooled (6) by the deceitful young woman. 
Moral: Beware of those who say they do not want your money.(7)

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

I've tried to keep this in conversational English. 

Ok, Dale! It`s much better in this way.

Do correct my mistakes, pls.

 

(1) I don't like "young man" and "young woman", but I can't think of good alternatives.  In the context of the story, "boy" and "girl" are not suitable translations from the Portuguese.  The story is about two young adults, not children.  One possibility is to call them "lad" and "lass".  However, neither word is commonly used among Americans although both would be understood..
 
(2) "Inconstante" has many possible translations: deceitful, guileful, fickle, whimsical, capricious, moody, unstable, etc.  Deceitful and guileful imply that she was lying to him, deceiving him.  What she said was part of a plan to take his money in one way or another.  The following possibilities do not imply lying or deceit.  fickle, whimsical,  capricious, and moody mean that she is unreliable, that you can't count on her for anything. Moody means the nature of her personality changes without warning.  Unstable has the same general meaning as moody, but it implies emotional and/or mental instability.  A problem with "inconstant" is that it's rather archaic.  So...which do you use?

From all these words, the one that more showed me suitable to the context is “deceitful”, although “fickle” be a good translation for “inconstante” when we are speaking about persons, IMO.

Do correct my mistakes, pls.

(3) I'm not happy with this.
 (4) "Worried" is usually the translation for "preocupar-se", but "concerned" sounds better here.
(5) Note how this was shortened.
(6) I chose "fooled" so as not to repeat a word so closely related to "deceitful".
 (7) The plural sounds more natural to me.

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I congratulate you for having so much interest in English. 

I am actually much interested in learning English.

 

Do correct my mistakes, pls.


May I assume that you are doing this to improve your knowledge of basic English?  If so, are you sure you are going about this the right way?  Let's remember that the fable was written in ancient Greek.  From Greek it was translated into either French or English, and from one of those languages it was translated again into Portuguese.  And now you want to translate it into English?  Perhaps translating academic and stilted translations is not going to be of much practical use to you. 
 
Maybe it would be more helpful to translate articles from newspaper, magazines, etc.  The language in such articles tends to be much more conversational, much more "day-to-day".  What do you think?

 

Dale, when I though, in the beginning, of making versions of these fables, I thought it would be a good idea because fables have many words assorted. Unlikely from other texts such as those one of books, for instance. However, I didn’t have seen through the angle you saw, realizing the influence of translations over translations, it’s is very interesting! Besides, your suggestion about to do versions from magazines and/or newspaper is quite suitable because the text in these publications is very varied too.  

 

Do correct my mistakes, pls.

 

Good luck!


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Índice de mensagens


 English Made in Brazil -- English, Portuguese, & contrastive linguistics
Esopo`s fable: O rapaz e a moça inconstante  –  Rafael  02/ABR/2006, 7:29 PM
Esopo`s fable: O rapaz e a moça inconstante  –  Dale/RS  04/ABR/2006, 10:46 AM
Esopo`s fable: O rapaz e a moça inconstante  –  Rafael  04/ABR/2006, 8:55 PM
 Esopo`s fable: O rapaz e a moça inconstante  –  Rafael  06/ABR/2006, 6:16 AM
Esopo`s fable: O rapaz e a moça inconstante  –  pat  04/ABR/2006, 4:26 PM
Esopo`s fable: O rapaz e a moça inconstante  –  Dale/RS  04/ABR/2006, 8:28 PM
Esopo`s fable: O rapaz e a moça inconstante  –  Lou  04/ABR/2006, 11:06 PM
Esopo`s fable: O rapaz e a moça inconstante  –  Dale/RS  05/ABR/2006, 5:43 AM
Esopo`s fable: O rapaz e a moça inconstante  –  pat  05/ABR/2006, 8:21 AM
Esopo`s fable: O rapaz e a moça inconstante  –  Johannes  05/ABR/2006, 9:53 AM
Esopo`s fable: O rapaz e a moça inconstante  –  Rafael  06/ABR/2006, 6:12 AM

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